We finally made it to Lisbon, Portugal after a week in Spain and France. It was quite a fun and crazy trip with friends. We laughed a lot for many stupid reasons.
My heart was shattered back in April, 2023. Depression overshadowed my life the past few months. It was very challenging. I felt no presense from the Lord. Maybe because of my sinful nature and pride. I’ve skipped my norms, my plan of life, and I’ve been living like a pagen, indulging in worldly pleasures. Mortification seemed like a foreign idea. Prayer was dried and boring. I was in so much pain because of all the drama that happened here in Los Angeles. I don’t know if I can start hoping again for a bright future with a family and a wife that I love. The desire for a family was so strong that after so many failed endeavors, I blamed God for not fulfilling my desire. I told him that these ambitions are noble themselves and I’d love to serve God through my vocation. Why are you not fulfilling them then? Don’t you want a world full of happy Christian families? Am I worth something? What is the solution now, Lord? Do I have to live with this for the rest of my life?
What is the answer to all these questions, then?
“God has created me to do Him some definite service. He has committed some work to me which He has not committed to another. I have my mission. I may never know it in this life, but I shall be told it in the next. I am a link in a chain, a bond of connection between persons. He has not created me for naught. I shall do good; I shall do His work. I shall be an angel of peace, a preacher of truth in my own place, while not intending it if I do but keep His commandments. Therefore, I will trust Him, whatever I am, I can never be thrown away. If I am in sickness, my sickness may serve Him, in perplexity, my perplexity may serve Him. If I am in sorrow, my sorrow may serve Him. He does nothing in vain. He knows what He is about. He may take away my friends. He may throw me among strangers. He may make me feel desolate, make my spirits sink, hide my future from me. Still, He knows what He is about.” St John Henry Newman
Still, he knows what he is about. I might be single for the rest of my life, and the thought of that still scared me. I don’t know how my life will unfold. Even when I’m writing these down, Lord. I’m still scared. I’m still worried. But I know your plan is greater than my sorrow, and you will use it for good. I might not know How, Lord, but I’m asking you for strength to carry on, for peace to continue to love you. Have mercy on me.
And today I begin again
Hien Nguyen